Mental & physical injuries have kept me off the trails too. As a matter of fact, I'm all over the board in my head. I know from experience that this leads to the best kind of ultra running. I need alone time on the trail. Time to hear my heart beat and let go of the doubts. Maybe gain some different ones too. I can't afford to race with anyone now. Digging out of the pit requires my full attention, but its nice to see other sickos out doing whatever it is they're doing.
Getting up at 5 AM on Saturday morning is nearly the last thing that I want to do this weekend, but I know that it will be good for me. I'll drive home afterwards beat down, but full of hope. It will be worth it.
I won't complain or make excuses because I've finished even 100 mile races even heavier than I am now. If I really want it bad enough, then I finish. If not, then I just walk off the course with the bib number in my hand. After nearly 70 ultra marathons, I've never been pulled for simply not making a cutoff time. Running is a privilege, not a right. You either do it or you don't.
“You can’t keep a squirrel on the ground when his nuts are in a tree.”
The Leatherwood Mountain 50K will be comical this weekend. With 8,000 feet of climbing up in the middle of the North Carolina mountains I'm like a sheep headed to the slaughter. However, I will climb those mountains and shuffle down the few flat miles of trails.
My sarcasm won't let me escape what's yet to come. I will undoubtedly be someones "inspiration" because I'm so big and able to finish this race. I'm never sure if I should take that as a compliment or insult so I just take it. I've learned to just smile because for the most part people don't really want to know what I'm thinking.
The good thing is I believe several runners have taken on ultras & finished them because they saw that I could. It's a twisted human comparison that sometimes urges people to push themselves beyond what even stupidity calls "normal running". I'm happy to have been some part of that in other runners lives. I've been on both sides of the equation and it somehow works. That's one reason I continue to blog here.
My sarcasm won't let me escape what's yet to come. I will undoubtedly be someones "inspiration" because I'm so big and able to finish this race. I'm never sure if I should take that as a compliment or insult so I just take it. I've learned to just smile because for the most part people don't really want to know what I'm thinking.
The good thing is I believe several runners have taken on ultras & finished them because they saw that I could. It's a twisted human comparison that sometimes urges people to push themselves beyond what even stupidity calls "normal running". I'm happy to have been some part of that in other runners lives. I've been on both sides of the equation and it somehow works. That's one reason I continue to blog here.
What's even funnier is my Spring race schedule. Three 100 miler races between April 12th and May 17th. I'm not sure what I was thinking when I signed up for these back in the fall. Once again, if I want them bad enough I will finish. I want them all bad enough. I can tell. It's that time of year again to prove something to myself. Why can't I just accept what I've learned from the last six times that I've done this? I'm not sure. Possibly stupidity.
A very sick part of me enjoys getting out of shape and then having to battle back into condition to get through ultras. I keep saying that this will be the last time, but like a 12 stepper I keep returning to the trail. It needs to stop this time, but it probably wont.
I keep waiting for that Forest Gump moment. The moment when I can say that "I'm finished" running. I'm tired and ready to just go home. Maybe that's why I keep going back to these things.
Now its nearing time to sign up for some Fall 100's before the rate hikes go up. At this point someone should be paying me to labor through another 100 miles of wilderness. I'll be in much better shape for those as I normally am. The cooler weather will naturally lead to faster finishing times and make us all feel like we've really improved. In reality, probably not - its just cooler weather after a hot summer.
A very sick part of me enjoys getting out of shape and then having to battle back into condition to get through ultras. I keep saying that this will be the last time, but like a 12 stepper I keep returning to the trail. It needs to stop this time, but it probably wont.
I keep waiting for that Forest Gump moment. The moment when I can say that "I'm finished" running. I'm tired and ready to just go home. Maybe that's why I keep going back to these things.
Now its nearing time to sign up for some Fall 100's before the rate hikes go up. At this point someone should be paying me to labor through another 100 miles of wilderness. I'll be in much better shape for those as I normally am. The cooler weather will naturally lead to faster finishing times and make us all feel like we've really improved. In reality, probably not - its just cooler weather after a hot summer.
I'm running more 100 mile races these days. It only makes sense to get the most bang for my buck. Why only shuffle 31 miles when I can walk about 50 more to get a pretty little belt buckle. Its actually more than the buckle, it's going home and putting it in my case on the wall and feeling "completed". Then over the years I will look at it out of fear thinking that I probably can't do it again. This forces me to sign up for another one just to prove completion again. The cycle is vicious and ridiculously demanding. How many cases will I fill up on the walls before it ends?
It's becoming a problem. I wish I could be happy to just write a neat little blog story or post some pictures on Facebook about the last "epic ultra". It's way beyond that now. Part of me wishes that I would have never found ultra running, but then I would have missed all of this. It's a seesaw of joy & misery.
It's becoming a problem. I wish I could be happy to just write a neat little blog story or post some pictures on Facebook about the last "epic ultra". It's way beyond that now. Part of me wishes that I would have never found ultra running, but then I would have missed all of this. It's a seesaw of joy & misery.
If I haven't learned anything else about "running" distance I've learned this. You can walk & finish just about every race there is out there now. I've spoken to a few race directors and runners who despise this. They feel that runners should train hard for events and be prepared to "race" them at 100% effort. I mostly agree for several reasons, but then there are the select few of us who "need" to suffer tremendously in a prolonged state of beautiful misery. Even when our minds & bodies aren't close to being prepared for the challenge at hand. And of course the RDs need to make money so I expect the generous cutoff times to only grow as the sport does.
It's personally frustrating and a little embarrassing to be back in this shape again, but forward I charge (Ok...walk). If you see me out running at Leatherwood on Saturday please stop and say "hello". I'll smile like always and hopefully we'll both feel better about ourselves.
“Life is not always a matter of holding good cards, but sometimes, playing a poor hand well.”
― Jack London
“Life is not always a matter of holding good cards, but sometimes, playing a poor hand well.”
― Jack London
